Hate.

I hate being here.

I hate the way I feel here. The way I act. It’s like I’m taken back to the person I was years ago. Transformed into that person I thought I was rid of.

I hate the lump in my throat. It hurts. Swelling there, begging for a release I’m too stubborn to give. The pressure it causes in my chest.

I hate your words. I hate the things you say just to get under my skin; just to prove that you can. Is it to cause me pain? Is it to see how much I can take before I push you away completely?

I hate your selfishness. Do you do anything that has no gain for yourself?

I hate myself. The way this hate is building in me. The bitterness I can’t seem to keep from growing. The person I am here is disgusting. Vile. Horrid. Pathetic.

I want you to love me like you should. I want you to be how you’re supposed to be. I want you  to dry my tears, not  make me weep. I want you to teach me. I want you to help me because there are so many things I just don’t know that you do. I could learn so much from you. I want you to support me. I want you to not be afraid to say sentimental things.

And I love you in a way that will never go away.

And that’s why you have so much power to hurt me.

How dare you.

Oh, I hate being this person. This person who has lost track of happiness. This person who cries herself to sleep instead of with a smile teasing her lips. I hate that I’m counting down the minutes until I can be back at school.

Damn it. I love you. Just love me back.

-Melissa

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