There is only one thing I ever really thought I was good at.
Now, after four years of studying it, I realize I am no good at all.
Do you know what it’s like to feel like you’re worthless? Do you know what it’s like to have people look right over you? Do you know what it’s like to feel unwanted? To feel like you’re in the way and just a waste of peoples time? To feel like you’re utterly horrible at the one thing you thought you had a chance at being good at?
Do you know what it’s like to be friends with people that really are good at that one thing? Do you know what it’s like to watch as people practically worship them? What it’s like to daily observe how differently people treat the two of you?
And do you know how hard it is to go through every moment pretending you’re okay with it all? Like it doesn’t effect you? Daily being hurt by people and doing your best to brush it all off because they can’t possibly be meaning to hurt you as they are.
I wish I didn’t feel like this. I wish it didn’t bother me.
I wish I hadn’t learned to hate what I once loved.
But I do.