I like feeling cared for.
Maybe that goes without saying because everyone does whether or not they admit it. But I really do. I just really appreciate it. Maybe it’s because I don’t really let people in. I don’t let them see what I’m hiding or thinking. I keep most things to myself, just being ‘open’ enough to fool people around me, even those close to me. I’m careful with what I say, how I react, what I do. It all goes through a filter in my mind asking if I can trust the person I’m with.
And usually, for whatever reason, I hold back.
Now, part of that is smart. I’m very protected that way.
But this time I did open up. I did let someone in. And I don’t regret it. Maybe I will later, who knows. But I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t already felt cared for by this person. And you can tell when someone cares about you. It’s in the way the listen to you when you talk. It’s in careful way they talk to you when you’re vulnerable. It’s in the words they say.
And I’m so terribly grateful and yet there’s still a part of me that’s worried that it’ll somehow disappear.