Some things have happened within the past week that sent me to an old document on my computer to re-read something I wrote two years ago.
Goodness, nothing like reading your own heartbreak in black and white, is there? Shoot.
There was one sentence that stood out to me:
“He would’ve done anything for me. I’m not saying no one else would, I’m saying he made it clear.”You know, that’s what it was about him. He cared and he made that very clear.
I opened a conversation we had had over the computer late one night, past three of four in the morning. I read the words he typed to me. My own pain of the moment was there. I opened up and showed him my insecurities. My loneliness in a new place. And he wanted me to go get my coat and meet him so we could talk about how I felt. But I wouldn’t. Not that late. I needed to sleep. Oh, but he argued. He fought against me, telling me I needed to talk. Reminding me it would ease the pain if I actually talked about it. We bantered back and forth until I went to bed.
And, reading it, I started to sob.
How I wish I would have grabbed my coat. How badly I wish now I would’ve gone to put on my shoes and met him and talked until sunrise. My word, how he cared about me!
And the pain in his words! The hurt just below the surface. The lowering of his facade just enough to let you know he had one. Damn it, the way I can feel his pain coursing through me even now, three years after those words were typed. And now…
Now he’s gone.
If you care about someone, let them know. And for goodness sake, your words are not enough. Show them through your actions. Be selfless. Be someone’s person. Be the person you wish people were to you. Your words are not enough.