Have you ever been consumed by guilt? It’s not very pleasant. I was trying to think of a word to describe it and I think immobilizing would be good. Especially when it’s all you can think about.
I got that way last way last night. Literally all I could do was go through all of the people I had come in contact with that day and think about the ways I had failed each of them individually.
Last week, it was an all day thing. I can’t understand why Jesus died for me. Okay, I guess I get why because He loves us in ways we can’t possibly understand. The problem is the guilt that completely overtakes me when I think about the fact that I’m the one that put Him on that cross to begin with. And I’m incredibly thankful for what He did for me but I cannot handle the fact that I put Him, the love of my life, my creator and savior, my strength and rock, on a cross. I was the reason for His pain and maybe He can forgive me for that but… I just cannot stand that fact.
And now I need to stop thinking about tot.