Expectations.

I heard you said good things about me.

Really, that should make me feel great. It should make me smile a little more. It should give me some sort of warm, fuzzy feeling or something like that.

Instead, it scares me.

Somehow, in the short time that I have known you, you have seen a person that you like. You even used the word ‘fun’ to describe me. No one ever says that. But you’ve seen someone in me who you want to be around. Who you enjoy.

And that terrifies me.

Because what if you hang out with me more and you realize you don’t actually think anything good of me? What if I start to get on your nerves and rub you the wrong way? What if you realize that I am not a fun person? What if you start to see the other sides of me? The other sides that are not as pretty or shiny or happy or good? What if you realize you don’t want to be around me? What if you begin to wonder how you could have ever enjoyed being around me?

I enjoy you. You are so much fun and you have such a good heart and I love being around you. And I just don’t want to lose you when you realize that I am not as great as the person that you’ve made me out to be in your head. What if I can’t live up to your expectations?

-Melissa

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