Want.

“Alright, I can see you don’t want to talk to me. I can see you don’t want to make conversation with me.”

You soon hung up the phone.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. No, that wasn’t it. I didn’t care if I was making conversation with you. Thank you for calling me. I’m sorry if I sounded tired. I am. I’m sorry if I sounded disinterested. I’m trying to do homework. In fact, I’ve been sitting here for almost four hours now trying to do homework. I’ve written a paragraph. And all I can think about is how much homework I have. And I can’t get myself to concentrate so that I can move through it quickly. And as I waste time because I can’t concentrate, I feel worse and worse and I don’t know what to do. And the pressure of having so many things to do and not enough time to do it is making the waves come. And they’re hitting me. And I’m failing. And I don’t have the energy to swim.

You were talking too fast. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. “I can see you don’t want to talk to me”—I tried to interrupt but you kept talking. I can’t… Can you just pause for a moment? Why are you being so demanding? I feel slow today. Just give me a break. Just give me a chance.

You said goodbye. I said sorry.

It’s not that I didn’t want to make conversation with you. It’s that I couldn’t.

-Melissa

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