Maybe.

Maybe all of this is in my head. Maybe I could make it go away if I just told it to. Maybe all I have to do is think happy thoughts and be thankful. People seem to believe that will help.

Maybe I just need to let go. Maybe I just need to figure out what it actually means to let go. Maybe I’m just holding on to everything too tightly. Maybe I just have to loosen my grasp.

Maybe this is my fault. Maybe I could be doing something more. Maybe I encouraged this. Maybe I’m too selfish. Maybe I didn’t do it all right. Maybe it actually was my responsibility when I thought it wasn’t. Maybe I have to stay and fix this. Maybe I’ll be trapped here forever. Maybe I’ll never feel free from this.

Maybe I heard all the words wrong. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I can’t read people as well as I thought I could. Maybe I missed an underlying tone. Maybe it was all right there in front of me and I couldn’t see it.

Maybe I just want attention. Maybe I’ve just devised a way for people to look my way. Maybe I keep myself here. Maybe it’s my fault I’m stuck. Maybe I should just decide not to be.

Maybe I’m not enough. Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe I never will be. Maybe I missed the mark. Maybe I didn’t pay enough attention.

Maybe I’m fine. Maybe I’m okay.

Maybe I’m not.

-Melissa

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