Surprise.

Two of my friends asked if they could ‘kidnap’ me tomorrow night. They won’t tell me what we’ll do or where we’ll go. One of them told me I would love it. They asked me to block out three hours for them.

They texted me with this proposal earlier this week, on a day I wasn’t doing too well. I didn’t bother texting them back. But of course, next time I saw them, they asked in person. I told them I needed to check my schedule.

I knew I was free.

I avoided giving them an answer until a couple of days later, when they asked again. In person. I had no reason to say no. And I was in a better mood. So I said yes.

I told one that, if I was in a mood, I wouldn’t do well with surprises. She told me if that was the case, they would tell me exactly what was happening as soon as I got in the car.

Yesterday, I was thinking it wouldn’t be too bad. It could be fun. They were being nice. It would be fun.

Today… today, I really, really don’t want to go.

Because, honestly? There’s almost nothing they could have thought up that I want to do right now. Maybe a performance by my favorite band? But they’re not touring right now. And I wouldn’t feel right if they had spent money on a ticket. Maybe go to a shooting range? But the one I like isn’t open tomorrow. Maybe go to a movie theater? But I prefer to go by myself. And I prefer to go at odd times. Maybe just sit around with warm drinks and twinkle lights? But no one thinks that’s something to do like I do. And if we did that, they would want to talk and ask me what’s been going on with me lately. And… I really don’t want to speak.

It’s not their fault. I know… I know, I know, I know they mean well. But they don’t understand that if I feel like I do right now tomorrow night, it’s going to be so painful to be out and about. It’s going to be painful to be with them. And I don’t know why. It just will be. I just… I just really want to be left alone. I really want to be left alone.

I know they mean well.

But I don’t feel well.

-Melissa

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