It shouldn’t surprise me that when life is the heaviest is when you long for better. It’s when you long for the best.
We were singing a hymn. It’s familiar words felt like… a relief. I had pushed away my emotions for the day, but by body responded to the words and music in a way I wouldn’t allow my mind.
“Oh Lord, my God, when I, in awesome wonder, consider all the works thy hands have made…”
I put my full breath behind my voice. I had a cold and I sounded horrible. I couldn’t care. Even so, I didn’t feel extremely connected. Turning off your emotions does that. And that’s why I was surprised by my reaction to the last verse.
“When Christ shall come with shouts of acclimation, and takes me home! What joy shall fill my heart! Then I shall bow, in humble adoration, and there proclaim, ‘My God, how great Thou art!'”
Despite myself, tears started flowing freely down my face. I couldn’t control it. There’s something about that thought- the thought of Him coming to take me home. Taking me out of this mess and pulling me into His arms.
“Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee: How great Thou art! How great Thou art! Then sings my soul! My Savior God to Thee: How great Thou art! How great Thou art!”
That’s the thing– life really sucks. A lot of the time. And I’ve been in a lot of pain and experienced a lot of sadness and irritability lately. Even now, I feel… just… so much weight. But despite all the best efforts to prove Him otherwise, God is Great. Great in every possible meaning of the word. Great in all the meanings we don’t and can’t know or understand. That doesn’t make life great. That doesn’t make the sadness go away. That doesn’t lift the weight off of my chest. But His utter goodness… it’s comforting. It means that no matter what happens, He’ll still be Great. He’ll still be the God that understands the intricacies of my pain and sorrow. No matter what happens, He’ll still be the God who loved me so desperately that He died to save me.
He’ll still be the God that comes to take me home. And I will yet praise Him.