Self.

Note to self:

Why?

Seriously. Why would you tell yet another person that you’re struggling? Has it helped you? No?

Can’t you learn from your mistakes?

Here, I’ll spell it out for you.

Today you told someone you’re sleeping a lot or, at times, you’re not because you don’t want to sleep. When he asked how you were feeling you, honestly, said that you couldn’t really feel anything lately. And he let it pass to continue the conversation, but brought you back to it later. He took the bait. You took a moment and tried to figure out if it was a good idea to tell him.

And then you did. You told him you’ve been dealing with depression. For months.

Let’s pause, shall we?

You took a moment to try to figure out if you should tell him. You should have taken a moment and came up with a lie. Let me remind you: you’re good at lying. Anyway.

And then he said the things he was supposed to say. He asked if you were seeing a professional. He told you that you had to make healthy choices and that he couldn’t do it for you. He asked what you think about when you’re feeling down and how it effects your everyday life.

He’ll meet with you a couple more times. He’ll even care. And then you know what he’ll do?

Then he’ll forget you.

You’re such an idiot.

Do you just need attention? Is that your problem? UGH. You can’t even feel right now so you’re not worried about it and you don’t care. You should! He will not help you! He will forget about you! He will not ask you how you are unless he’s forced! He will not go out of his way to check in with you! In fact, he will go about this day– the very day you told him all of this– and he will not think about you again. You are the last thing on his mind. So good job. All you did was make yourself look incompetent. All you did was burden him and give him something to worry about (if he bothers to give you the time of day). All you did was make yourself look small and unable to do good work and so incredibly weak.

You’re not cut out for this. You will fail. You will be called out as a fraud. Everyone will realize you are not who you are supposed to be. So why do you keep helping them out?

He can’t help you. And you know what? No one can.

-Melissa

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