Remember.

I watched a movie I shouldn’t have today. It’s not bad- it’s actually quite good. But I don’t have a positive emotional response to it.

It’s okay though. Really, it’s only the last five or ten minutes of the movie that leave me… distraught. And I know that, so I stopped the movie at the right time this time around.

The only other time I’ve seen it was four and a half years ago. The ending completely took me by surprise. You see, I have a pretty strict rule of not watching movies if I know the main character is going to die. So I wouldn’t have ever watched this movie if I’d known.

Four and a half years ago, I called my best friend crying when the screen went black. Okay, so “crying” isn’t a very good description. I called him sobbing uncontrollably. He freaked out a little because he thought something terrible had happened and he couldn’t understand a word I was saying. He just… he cared so much for me… Anyway. When he finally understood my insanity was just caused by a movie, I could hear relief (and a chuckle or two) escape him as he reminded me that it was just a movie. As he reminded me that death was just a part of life. That everyone does it.

Isn’t that a funny statement? Death is just a part of life? Death actually isn’t a part of life. At all. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of life.

It wasn’t part of the original plan, you know? We weren’t meant to die. We weren’t meant to have to deal with the loss of someone. That’s why it hurts so bad when you lose someone. Because you were never meant to.

Honestly, I’ve been rather fortunate in this area. That scares me. Yeah. That really scares me. It’s a reminder that my most painful days are actually ahead of me. Isn’t that terrifying? Like, I think I’m in pain now. This is probably nothing. And… that’s really scary.

Well goodness, this post is morbid. Sorry about that.

-Melissa

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