In my mind’s eye, I’m flipping the table my computer is sitting on. Everything is crashing against the blue wall, denting it and scraping paint away. In my mind’s eye, I’m knocking over the chairs and throwing them across the room. In my mind’s eye, I’m chucking the dishes I need to wash against the cabinet and they’re crashing to the floor. In my mind’s eye.
I’m not angry. I’m not mad. I’m not pissed.
I’m not even annoyed.
I’m. So. Restless.
My energy level feels a bit off the charts and my mind can’t keep up. I’m not having any real thoughts. I just feel like I’m spinning.
My eye is twitching. Which doesn’t really have to do with anything because it’s been twitching for… I don’t know. Probably over a week now.
I feel a bit insane. Needless to say I guess.
You see, if I would sit down and calm down, I think I would actually think. I think I would feel the weight of all the best friends on my timehop from years past that I don’t talk to anymore. I think I would think about all the things people put on my facebook wall four, five, and six years ago to the day. I think I would think about how I had friends who used to reach out to me and now I don’t. I think I would think about how lonely I am and how empty I feel. I think I would think.
So I’m not going to do that. I’ll stay restless instead.