Cliche.

Stuff Christians say, am I right?

Today I was reminded that the joy of the Lord is my strength.

Let me preface this by saying the person saying this to me really means well. They are a good person with a good heart and a good head on their shoulders.

But today, as I fight sadness and defeat and hopelessness, I was reminded that the joy of the Lord is my strength. It’s not untrue!

But I have no joy. And I feel so weak.

In their defense, they asked me like three times tonight if I was doing okay. And I lied every time. But I think I lied because of responses like this. Because I already blame myself enough. I don’t need to hear that the joy of the Lord is my strength to remind me that I’m screwed up. I don’t need to be challenged just to remind myself of how often I fail.

The deepest parts of me feel broken. I feel helpless. I feel dismissed. And, as someone who knows all of the Christian cliches and has probably said them herself… they aren’t what I need to hear. And, as someone who feels like joy is just a lie someone told a crying child, I don’t need to hear that joy is something I just need to dig deeper to find.

I know you mean well. And I appreciate that. But I feel so…lifeless and defeated. And cliche Christian sayings (as much as I want them to) aren’t going to fix that.

-Melissa

 

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