Sometimes I hate this world.

It’s so distorted from what it could be. What kind of place is this that good people can do bad things and make a bad rap for all the other good people out there? What kind of place is this that accuses the innocent and turns a blind eye to the guilty? What kind of world is this that I can’t be friends with whoever I want and it not be questioned?

When I was first starting to get into writing, a wrote a line that will forever haunt me: “Will I ever get use to being misunderstood?” And you know what? I don’t think I will. Because, at the depths of me, I just want people to understand. For some reason, I need people to believe me. So I say the same things over and over again, in different ways, crafting my words carefully to make my point exactly how I want it to be made. And I fall into a trap. “Ah. The lady doth protest too much.” It’s like I keep pushing my point until suddenly, it’s too much. And people stop listening to me.

Ahhhhh. This just feels like it’s connecting to too many parts of my life. It hurts.

I wish we had been trained to believe the good in people above the bad. I wish we weren’t so easily swayed by rumor and by wanderings and by worst case scenarios. I wish secrets couldn’t be kept and everyone just knew everything. I wish we were accepting of one another. I wish we could say what we feel and I wish people could take it. I wish people would take people at their word.

I wish people understood my sincerity. I wish my word was taken for what it was. I wish people regarded my voice as something worth listening to.

I wish the weight wasn’t so heavy. I wish I wasn’t… just so. damn. sad.

I wish people loved. I wish they cared. I wish no one ever had to feel alone. I wish our minds weren’t focused on ourselves. I wish people were willing to be uncomfortable in order to comfort others. I wish people reached out to people just to say hello and ask if they were okay. I wish people were generous and kind and aware of those around them.

I wish I didn’t feel so defeated.

Sometimes I hate this world.



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