I word things… the way I want them said. You know? So when I texted you and ended it, “See you on the flip side,” I did that for a reason.

“The flip side” could be anything.

It could be on the other side of this situation. It could be on the other side of the relationship you’re in. It could be when you fix said relationship and you and I are allowed to be friends again. It could be when so much time has passed that nothing matters anymore.

And it could be when we’re both dead and buried and we see each other in Heaven.

I’m pretty…hopeless about our current predicament. I know, I feel, there’s a good chance that you and I won’t ever speak again. I’m going through a huge life change right now and, while the paths in my brain have trained me to turn to you, I’ve had to re-route them. I’ve had to turn to others instead.

I miss you. I miss our banter, our bickering. I miss that I could say anything to you, and know you’d still be my friend. I miss your honesty. I miss the way you used to help me see more clearly.

Part of me hates that you don’t know where I am right now- in life or even physically where I am located on a map. Part of me hates that you could hurt because you don’t know and because I didn’t tell you, even though it was you who cut off communication.

My heart hurts, you know? It hurts that I can’t share this with you.

You weren’t supposed to do this. Family isn’t supposed to leave. And I’m convinced we’re not made to withstand being left. We’ve trained ourselves to keep fighting and I will keep fighting and moving forward. But we were not made to face this pain.

See you on the flip side, brother.



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