A year ago, we were talking on the phone and I asked how the two of you were doing. I asked how serious you were about her. If you thought you would marry her. You said sometimes you thought you would—you could picture it when you saw her with kids. Other times though, you said, you’d see her and how she was acting and you’d think ‘Never.’ You saw her immaturity. You saw that she wasn’t where you were. And I saw the red flag.
Today, you are marrying her. I am hours and hours away. In a year, you and I went from talking about everything to never speaking. In a year, you went from part of you not being able to see her as your wife to pledging your life to hers. In a year, I had a best friend and I lost him. In a year, I lost a brother I didn’t think I ever could lose.
It’s 7:30pm, so I imagine it’s already happened. I missed seeing you in a suit. I missed seeing your smile. I missed the blissful look on your face as she walked toward you in white. I missed having tears in my eyes, so filled with joy to see your happiness. Don’t get me wrong—there are still tears in my eyes today. But it’s because I’m missing one of the most important, beautiful days of your life.
I’m so scared for you. She has isolated you from your family and friends. She has manipulated you into pushing away people you care about. And those of us who know you most closely don’t think this will work out for you. We think you will end up in pain. And it hurts us. I wish so deeply I could believe you were starting a happy, loving marriage today that will last for years and years to come, until death truly has to be the one to part you. But I don’t believe it.
I have no well-wishes for you. My heart hurts too deeply, for both you and myself. But, most importantly, I have no well-wishes for you because you have no interest in hearing them. You have turned yourself away from me completely. A part of me is missing because of you.
You are missing.
I hope today was what you dreamed it would be. I hope, I hope desperately, that I am wrong. That we are all wrong. That your marriage will be full of love and grace. I hope it lasts and is good, even when it’s bad. I hope you don’t have to face the pain I fear you will.
I suppose I’ll never know though.
Please never again treat another soul as you have treated me. Please be loyal when you say you will be loyal. Please treat your friends—especially those who’ve turned into family—with love and respect. Please never again leave someone broken. Please never again make someone feel worthless and unloved and forgettable. Please never again treat someone like an old pair of shoes, tossing them into the trash because you no longer have use for them. Please, I beg you, never treat another person as you have treated me.
A year ago, I never thought this could happen. A year ago, I would have laughed outright had someone told me you would betray our friendship. A year ago, I had a brother.
But today, I am without.