My last blog was written as a strong emotional response to the words I heard another person say. Logical thought all but left as I wrestled with the pain the words I heard caused.
But the truth of the matter is, the words I heard were not the words he said.
I knew that was a possibility. That’s why, a week later, I brought it back up with him. I told him what I thought he had said and what that implied to me. He immediately apologized to me, telling me that what I heard was not what he had meant. He reexplained what she had said to him, telling me that she hadn’t – in any way – said I was a toxic person.
I believe him. And I told him that. I told him that it was because of my own experiences and that it was because of my strong feelings about friendship that I heard it the way I did.
It’s just shocking to me. I mean, language is so nuanced to begin with. But then when you add different people’s perspectives on top of that? I mean, he said what he did, not really explaining clearly, because he had no idea that I would take it the way I did. He had no idea that, the very day after he told me that, I’d be crying in my kitchen as I, again in my life, desperately wondered what in the world was wrong with me. He had no idea that I would spiral rather quickly into bitterness because I thought she had judged my character – and how dare she do so when she didn’t know the half of how I love and care for people, especially those close to me. And all of that came because my brain has been conditioned to go down those roads because of deep, painful, ridiculous insecurities I have surrounding friendship.
This all happened because my perspective was different from someone elses!
It is amazing to me. How in the world can we all look at a painting and derive a different meaning? How in the world can perception be so strong?