Didn’t.

I didn’t want to go back.

I didn’t want to go back to be bombarded with responsibilities. I didn’t want to go back and have people who didn’t know me talk to me. Talk at me. Ask me questions. Expect something I can’t give.

And, if I got past that, I didn’t want to go back to the quiet. I didn’t want to lay in bed. To try to sleep. To then not sleep well.

I didn’t want to wake up tired or angry or sad or numb or any combination of those things. I didn’t want the fight of knowing I should get out of bed and staying anyway. I didn’t want the pressure of having to leave my bed, my safe space, and move through another day that would be tiring and long and taxing.

I didn’t want to go back.

I went back anyway.

– Melissa

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