Tag Archives: distract

Exist.

“On a scale from one to ten, how bad is it?”

I’ve been watching a lot of Grey’s Anatomy lately. In the show, emergency cases often come into the hospital and the doctors have to figure out how to save the person. Sometimes, those emergencies involved a foreign object going through a person. One time it was a pole someone had been impaled on. Another time it was a big tree branch. These cases are difficult because you can’t just pull the foreign object out, unless you want the patient to bleed to death. Usually, the pole or tree or whatever is holding all of the blood and organs in place, so if you just rip it back out of them, they’ll bleed out.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like watching tv is the foreign object that’s keeping me from bleeding out.

When I’m watching a tv show, I’m distracted. I’m wrapped up in someone else’s life. Lately, when I turn off the tv, sadness overwhelms me. It’s like the silence that follows is too quiet. My mind no longer has something to focus on. And I get really sad. I bleed out. I’d rather just keep watching tv. Unfortunately, I have responsibilities and people to hide my feelings from, so I can’t just stay curled up on the couch all day watching Grey’s Anatomy.

On one of the latest episodes I’ve watched, one of the main characters hasn’t been doing extremely well, and for some very good reasons. Her boyfriend comes and sees she’s having a hard time and simply asks, “On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?”

On a scale from one to ten, it’s about a seven right now. Maybe a six. Which is better than yesterday. Worse than the day before. Much better from the day before that.

I’m just existing right now. I don’t think I ever thought I’d be a person who just existed. I just won’t pull the tree out. It’ll keep the bleeding under control.

-Melissa

Advertisements

Distraction.

Yesterday, when I got back to my apartment, I had no intentions of trying to make conversation with anyone. Without thinking, I got my collection of DVDs, got into bed, and opened my laptop.

The first movie I watched was “Raise Your Voice.” It was made about ten years ago and it’s a little cheesy, but i’s one of my favories. It’s starring Hillary Duff, so it was when she was popular.

Then I wached “Finding Neverland” wih Johnny Depp. That movie is just beautiful. There are so many good things about it, one of which is Johnny Depp’s incredible talent. If you haven’t seen him in a lot of movies, you may believe he always just plays crazy/ insane people, but he’s completely normal in this movie. He’s a writer, so he’s really creative, but not a Jack Sparrow or Willy Wonka insane. He plays the part perfectly.

Then I paused and wrote the blog I published yesterday.

“Good Will Hunting” was next on the list. SO GOOD. It’s probably in my top five movies. Once you get passed them saying the F word in every sentence, you can realize how brilliant the film is. It’s just so… real. I don’t know how to explain it. It gets me every time though.

Why did I watch three movies in a row when I got home yesterday, barely stopping to go to the bathroom and not stopping for real food? Because I didn’t want to think. My mind was already so muddled. I just couldn’t think about anything that concerned real life.

Movies steal you. They take you away from where you are and place you in new circumstances. They distract you. And with these movies, all of which I’ve seen several times, for me, it’s also comfort. There’s something soothing about he familiar. Knowing exactly what you’re going to see, not being surprised by a single thing. And I needed that yesterday.

Today, I watched “The Lake House.” It’s another beautiful movie. It dabbles with the thought of parallel universes, but in a chick flick way, not a sci fi way. That was a really weird sentence… Anyway, watch it if you haven’t. It has Sandra Bullock in it, and we all know how good she is.

Will I curl up tomorrow and watch another movie? Two more? Three? I don’t know. Maybe. There’s a pretty good chance actually. I don’t want to try and sift through everything in my head. I know it’s not a healthy coping mechanism, but I just need a break, you know? So, I veg. I just want a distraction.

-Melissa