Tag Archives: happy

Positive.

Occasionally, I do my part in scrolling through Pinterest. And, by ‘occasionally,’ I clearly mean a lot. Probably too much. My favorite category is quotes. I like words. I adore the fact that only 26 letters can make so many words that can be arranged in an infinite number of ways and you can make them say whatever you want.

It’s funny how, even with all the possibilities, we can often find ourselves at a loss. But that’s beside the point.

The point is, in a lot of the quotes lately there seems to be this theme of ‘if you’re positive, life will be positive.’ Yeah, I know. Apparently all you have to do is think happy thoughts and then you’ll be happy.

Wish someone would have told me sooner!

The problem is that this only works for a little while. I mean, maybe for you it works all the time. But for the rest of us… It seems like a bit of wishful thinking with a lot left to be desired. When my mind gets on a train of negative thought, it is almost impossible to derail. The pressure to think positively either pisses me off or weighs me with a guilt I can’t readily escape from. Even when I can get myself to be a bit more positive, it almost just upsets me more because I feel fake.

And what about those that deal with severe depression? Do you really think that telling them to have more happy thoughts will make them happy? There’s no way!

Sure, thinking more positively can have a positive effect on us but to say that it will change our life is just a lie. I’m all for embracing true joy and being grateful for all you have but I also have to take everything else I to account. We were given the ability to have emotion. Being happy all the time can often be a masking of all of the emotion that we have deemed unpleasant.

I know I’m ranting, and for that, I apologize. I just… If I had depression and I kept seeing posts about how if I wanted to be happy, I would just do it, I think I would just feel worse.

And I just don’t want anyone to feel worse.

-Melissa

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Better.

I walked in and avoided eye contact. I’m assuming he smiled as he asked me to take a seat. My eyes flew over the options. Too arm chairs and a small couch. I would be swallowed by the arm chairs.

So couch then.

I sat on the side that made more logical sense to me. He sat in the arm chair across from me.

Thinking about it, I guess I am pretty good at talking to strangers, especially those older than me (people my age are the actual struggle). I’ve always wondered why that was. Why, as a first grader, I preferred to stand with the teachers at recess rather than go play with the rest of the kids. Why, as an eighth grader, some of my best friends were seniors in high school.

The conversation flowed pretty easily. I can’t take all the credit though. After all, it was his job to help conversation flow. He asked me questions and, in typical me style, I asked them back, even though I knew this wasn’t how this normally worked.

He said that multiple times. That this normally wasn’t how this worked. That normally people didn’t ask him questions. They just told him things. But, to me, that doesn’t make sense. How could you really share with a stranger unless you knew them? Unless they weren’t a stranger any more?

He asked why I had come to see him. A few things crossed my mind but nothing I could so easily disclose. I hadn’t quite thought out the answer to that question, which I assumed to be inevitable. So I told him I wasn’t going to tell him that. Not yet. Before next time, I’ll have thought it through a bit more. But for now, he could wait because I wasn’t totally sure of my answer. Also because he was still a stranger.

Isn’t that a strange concept though? That we willingly disclose information to people we don’t even know, just because they say they won’t tell anyone?

Despite recent posts, including this one, I am a truly happy person. I love where I am in life. So the fact that I went to talk to him today is a little strange. But there’s always something to work on. You can always know yourself and others more. There’s always something to improve.

And I want to be better.

-Melissa